A Deeper Blue Read online

  “Right there,” he said, his voice high and breathy. He hitched his legs higher on my hips, and those strong muscles pulled me in relentlessly.

  I was the epitome of greedy then. I wanted to see my come splattered across his hole, but at the same time, I wanted to bury it so deep that he’d feel it for hours. He tightened around me, and I had no more control. I let go with a low groan, and the orgasm came out of me in long, steady pulses instead of one rush. I pushed in a few more times, almost without conscious thought. I didn’t want to give up that heated slickness around my dick just yet.

  When I collapsed on him, he didn’t fuss. He merely put his arms around me and stroked my damp back with a slow, rhythmic touch. He ghosted his lips over the skin on my neck—a soft, fleeting kiss. I knew I should get up, clean up, give him room to breathe—a litany of the usual things—but I couldn’t seem to stir up one iota of care about it.

  It was a unique feeling to ignore what I knew I should do and just do what I wanted. Right then I just wanted to lie in a tangled, sweaty mess and fall asleep with Kelly’s hands on my back.

  So that’s exactly what I did.

  CHAPTER 3

  Kelly

  THE WEEKEND passed quickly, and frankly, two days never seemed so short.

  We made the best of it, but both of us were very aware that Monday was on her way and would not be stopped. By tacit agreement, we didn’t speak about his impending departure and went about our normal weekend routine. We completed random household chores and slept in a lot. We also made a couple of recipes my mother sent me on Pinterest and had sex on random pieces of furniture. Extremely productive, that was us.

  We left the house early Sunday morning for the farmers’ market, and I lagged behind and feigned interest while Blue instructed me how to pick certain types of fruit. I loved that man more than anyone on this Earth, but if he used the phrase “empty calories” to describe my favorite foods one more time, I was going to bean him with a cantaloupe.

  When all the shopping and organizing and cleaning was done—thank God—we plopped down on the couch. I had a moment to relax and put my feet up on the coffee table before the torture began anew and Blue put on a sports biography from his mothership, ESPN.

  “Fruit and baseball?” I sent him a look. “You’re seriously about to get kicked out of my house. Out of my life, maybe, depending on how boring this shit is. Do you really want to risk it?”

  “You like all those specials on the History Channel.” He turned the volume up, probably to cover my complaining. “How is this any different?”

  “Those are actually interesting—an inside look at North Korea, a documentary about the construction of the pyramids.” I ticked them off on my fingers. “A show about what’s left of Pompeii. Sign me up.”

  He made a gagging noise, and I hit him in the arm. “Ow. Sorry, but that Pompeii special put me to sleep like six times.”

  I stared at him. “I’ve never disliked you more, Blue. Not even when you ate the last slice of cheesecake.”

  “That’s too bad. I’m sad you have to sleep with someone you dislike, but it is what it is.” He hooked a finger in my jeans loop and pulled me closer. Heat emanated from his body, and I wriggled away just a pinch. He pulled me right back and draped an arm around my shoulders.

  “Ugh, you’re a furnace.” When he wouldn’t let me move, I laughed helplessly. “What did I ever do to deserve this?”

  “We’re a couple now. My heat is your heat.” His blue eyes sparkled with amusement. “Now. You’re going to give this show a chance because I gave up some of my life last weekend for a Pompeii snooze fest.”

  “I might die,” I said plaintively. “Actually shrivel up and die. How will you live with yourself?”

  “One hour, and the remote is yours.”

  I opened my mouth to tell him no dice, but he upped the ante.

  “For the rest of the night. And before you disagree, you should know I recorded several hours of SportsCenter that I haven’t watched yet.”

  The show wasn’t all that bad. I did love shows about history, and it took very little to pull me in. Before long I knew more about the sport of baseball and Jackie Robinson than I ever needed to know. Even when the show ended and it was my turn, I didn’t demand the remote. It was his last night with me for a while, and I could let him watch his stupid sports crap.

  I absently rolled my tongue piercing around and alternately teased and soothed the roof of my mouth. My eyes were trained on the TV as though I were riveted, but my mind was elsewhere. I wished I could freeze things the way they were. I knew Blue had football camp, and he couldn’t miss it, but damned if I didn’t wish we could stay next to one another on the couch, our sock-clad feet tangled together on the coffee table.

  He sifted a hand through my hair just then and lingered at my nape, his hand warm and large and comforting. I sent him a lazy look, mostly because I couldn’t be stirred to do much else. “And what, exactly, do you think you’re doing?”

  He hushed me. Hushed me. Then he leaned over and pressed a kiss on my nape.

  “Did you just shush me?” I demanded.

  “Yeah. I did.” He carded his long fingers through my hair again. “I flew a long way to get my hands on you, and now I have to leave again. Can I just have a moment?”

  Yeah, he could, if having a moment meant more of those touches and whispery kisses behind the shell of my ear. And when did the skin back there get so bloody sensitive? He started kissing me there, working his way down my neck, and I shivered. “Are you seriously trying to seduce me right now?”

  “Fuck. You still have to go through the effort of seduction when you sleep with guys?” Blue made a disgusted sound. “What’s the point?”

  I laughed and smacked him in the stomach. “That’s right. Romance and seduction are not just for women. Imagine that.”

  “I’ll take that into account.” He nibbled gently on my ear. “How am I doing?”

  A shiver ran down my spine again. Forget flowers and wine. A bite on the ear was all the romance I needed. Well, you’re certainly a cheap date. “Not bad,” I managed. I bared my neck and hoped he’d get the hint and go all Twilight on me. “Not bad at all.”

  “You know what I was thinking about the other day?”

  “What’s that, baby?” Fucking me into a mattress? Earning your merit badge in the art of spectacular blowjob skills?

  His next words sent the mood into a nosedive—in fact, it would have been more humane to take the mood outside and shoot it in the face. “We should move in together.”

  Clearly my submissive display didn’t drive him into vampire-lust mode. From the amused tilt of his mouth, he knew exactly what I wanted too, uncooperative bastard. I stopped baring my neck and sat up straight.

  It might not be the first time he’d alluded to the topic, but it was certainly the first time he’d asked me outright. Usually he said something leading like, “Fuck, I forgot to pack my favorite sneakers. I hate packing and unpacking and going back and forth.” I usually came up with a quick solution before he could follow that thought. “Blue, you’re a millionaire. Surely you have more than one pair of favorite sneakers.” Even though he sometimes sent me a searching look, he would drop the subject.

  But from the steely look in his eyes, I didn’t think it was going to be one of those times. Sure enough, he prodded, “Kel? What do you think of us moving in together?”

  Faced with a direct question, I was out of glib answers and avoidance techniques. You’d think, after all the time I’d had to prepare, I would’ve come up with something better than “Umm… what?”

  He grabbed the remote and put the TV on mute. Then he shifted on the couch, ostensibly to see my face better. “I think we should move in together. I mean, why not? We spend all our free time with one another anyway.”

  He wasn’t wrong. If he wasn’t at my place, then I was over at his house in Coral Bay. Although to be perfectly honest, I didn’t know if applying such a plebian te
rm as “house” to the McMansion he had going on over there was completely accurate. Even though his place was well-appointed and beautiful, I still felt more comfortable in my small condo.

  I couldn’t say what was stopping me from moving in with Blue, but maybe it was because I was still a big secret in his life. Secrets had a way of working themselves to the surface, and I wasn’t sure if we would survive the fallout.

  Our lives were so enmeshed with one another already…. How would I feel if we were living together and things fell apart? Some logical part of me acknowledged it was already too late for self-preservation, but I couldn’t let go of the life raft. Not until land was in sight.

  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” I finally said. “This works. Why rock the boat?”

  “That’s a fairly flip response.”

  “I don’t mean for it to be. I just think that what we have is really good. When you find a recipe that works, why add more ingredients?”

  “Because you might make something that tastes even better.”

  “Or you might make something that tastes horrible. Then Gordon Ramsay bursts out of the closet with two slices of bread and makes an idiot sandwich out of you.”

  “Who?” He stared at me. “And more importantly, what?”

  “That mean British dude?” At his blank stare, I made an impatient noise. “He’s a really awesome chef? Kind of cute, with serious anger-management problems? Can’t complete a sentence without using the word fuck?”

  “Okay, I think this food analogy has gone a little off the rails.” He sent me another of those searching looks. “Why I do I feel like you’re not being completely open with me?”

  “Because you think you know every damn thing.” I kissed him soundly on the mouth.

  He furrowed his brow, and I was pretty sure I’d disappointed him with my answer. I wanted to take it back, tell him yes, tell him everything he wanted to hear… but in my heart of hearts, I knew I was right.

  It was all well and good to be in our love bubble, but the real world was full of real people who had a horrible habit of speaking their minds about relationships. And the people with the biggest mouths usually had minds that were spectacularly small—Guinness Book of World Records small. Blue didn’t know what it was like to be hated for being in a relationship with a man, but I did. He didn’t know what it was like to be derided and mocked and put down for daring to love someone.

  He didn’t know what it was like to look at me and know I was the cause of all that. If he decided things were too hard and wanted to go back to being friends again, I could do without the world at large watching while I quietly lost my shit. Actually, who was I kidding? It wouldn’t be quiet. Or pretty. I wasn’t sure our relationship could pass that final step, and until I was, I would keep my safety net right where it was.

  “What’s going on in that head of yours?” His voice was soft, and it invited me to confess. My heart leaned toward him, but I slapped an imaginary halter and leash on that bitch. Heel, dammit!

  “I’m thinking I want to see a professional athlete naked and in my bed. A hot one.” I stood and stretched. “But it’s late, and I don’t have time to go out and get one, so you’ll have to do.”

  He glanced at his watch even as he allowed me to pull him off the couch. “If I want to be on time, we need to leave by ten.”

  “That still gives us an hour. That’s enough time to show you my best moves.”

  “Oh good.” He smiled. “But what’re we going to do with the other fifty-five minutes?”

  CHAPTER 4

  Kelly

  HE FUCKED me within an inch of my life.

  Only way to put it, and I couldn’t blame anyone but myself, seeing as how I egged him on for most of it. I couldn’t help it. I felt so comfortable with Blue that I got all mouthy and dirty and kinky during sex. At some point I threatened to find someone who knew how to fuck me right, and he flipped me by the ankle. I found myself facedown on the bed and tried to muffle my suddenly inhuman noises with the comforter.

  I regretted nothing.

  When he finally finished his love affair with my thoroughly fucked ass, it was a struggle not to wince, but I managed. If he saw my discomfort, he’d probably never dick me out like that again—especially not like I wanted, all crazy and hot and “gotta have you right now.” All future sex would be like we were two blue hairs in a nursing home, and I wasn’t having AARP sex until I had to.

  I threw on some jeans and a shirt and headed down to the garage while Blue got some last-minute stuff together. I waited in the driver’s seat and kept busy by alternately nursing a soda, scrolling through my Facebook feed, and honking the horn whenever the hell I felt like it.

  He finally blew through the side door in Nike sweats and a hoodie, a duffel slung over his shoulder. He flipped me off in the glare of the headlights. I honked again for good measure as he headed for the back of the SUV.

  “Pop the trunk,” he called.

  I pressed a button and watched in the rearview as he dumped his gear in the back. “Let’s go, princess,” I said as he got in. “Bust a move.”

  “I’m movin’. I’m movin’.” He got in the passenger seat and slammed the door. “Not like you have anything pressing to do in the middle of the night.”

  “First of all, it’s ten fifteen, gramps.” I put my phone in the cup holder. “Second of all, I’ve got an entire season of The Amazing Race to binge-watch before bed. It’s going to take up a lot of my time, and I can’t waste any more of it schlepping you around.”

  “Really?” he demanded. Even in the semidarkness of the garage, I could see the hurt that crossed his face. “That eager to get rid of me?”

  I lifted a brow. Sometimes it was hard to navigate the difference between the Blue I was making a life with and the Blue who had been my best friend since second grade and I could casually call an asshole. “Am I eager to get rid of you? Is that a serious question?”

  “Do you have a serious answer?”

  “Why’re you being so sensitive?” I asked.

  A furrow marred his brow as he shook his head. “Let’s just go. You’re going to make me late.”

  “I’m going to make you late? I’m the one that was waiting for—” I broke off. “You know what? Whatever.”

  I wasn’t going to start shit before he got to camp, even if he was determined to get on my nerves. His irritation probably had more to do with my refusal to move in with him, and I didn’t know how to smooth that over without capitulating.

  I hit the garage button with a little more force than usual and started backing out. I might have rejected him giving me the Navigator as a gift last year, but damned if I didn’t love it. It was fully loaded with all the bells and whistles, and anytime I got a chance to drive it, I did. The smooth ride certainly helped keep my mind off the fact that Blue had decided to spend less time upstairs packing and more time acquiring a decent-sized stick up his ass—and not the good kind.

  We were on the highway before he finally answered the question I forgot I’d asked. “I wasn’t being sensitive.” At my snort, he added defensively, “I wasn’t. But if I were, it’s because I hate being away from you, even for a little while. This is twice in a very short period, and it’s only going to get worse when the season starts.”

  “So you decide to pick a fight with me?”

  “Maybe I don’t enjoy the fact that I’m doing all the missing while you’re perfectly fine.”

  I bit my lip. I hated that I made him doubt us even for a second, but I had to hold back a little. Some part of me couldn’t believe that we were even together, and that part seemed determined to fuck it up. I’d had breakups before—my breakup with my boyfriend Robert had been particularly rough—but breaking up with Blue…. Well, I didn’t know if I’d survive it. That made me want to guard my heart a little closely.

  How did I tell him that I practically slept in his clothes when he wasn’t there, that I hated changing the sheets because then I couldn�
��t smell him anymore? I glanced over at his tense profile. Maybe we couldn’t move in together yet, but I could certainly be honest.

  “If I loved you any more than I do now, you’d have to actually remove my heart from my chest and keep it in your pocket for safekeeping.” I could feel his gaze on the side of my face, but I kept my eyes focused on the road. “There are a lot of things questionable in this world, but my love for you will never be one of them.”

  He made a sound I couldn’t quite decipher, but a few minutes later, he affectionately nudged the hand I always rested on the gearshift. The next time I risked a glance over, his mouth was tilted slightly upward.

  I pulled into the brightly lit circular drive of the hotel. When he reached for his seat belt, I made a quick change of plans. I stilled his hand on the seat belt buckle and pulled off a little bit farther down the lot. I coasted to a stop near the end of the row and pulled into the second-to-last parking space. The streetlights cast a little light into the car, but mostly it was dark and, when I hit the Engine Start/Stop button, perfectly quiet.

  He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “As much as I enjoy exercise, Kel, under the pavilion was fine.”

  I leaned over the console and brushed his mouth with mine. Once. Twice. Three times. He was startled and stiff for a few moments, but then he made a soft sound in his throat and went lax under my gentle assault. I loved that soft submission as he let me do as I wished. Sometimes he was dominant and forceful and had an exact idea of how he wanted things to play out, and at other times, he trusted me to do whatever I wanted with his body. That trust was addictive. Beguiling. If you could get drunk on such an abstract concept as trust, then I certainly was.